This job is a balancing act, and the biggest problem with that is the whole “balancing” part. You struggle and adjust, do a status check, a perimeter check and a general inventory, make all applicable adjustments and start again.
If the house is well cared for, and the kids are doing great, I’m sore, exhausted and haven’t had a real conversation with my husband in like 3 weeks. If I’m doing well (eyebrows not growing out of control like forgotten hedges, rested up, not breaking out in acne) and my husband and I are doing great, the house is a mess and the kids are crabby.
I’m constantly questioning myself. Constantly doubting. Everyone will tell me “but you do so great with the kids”. Well that is fantastic, and I work hard at it so it is appreciated, but that doesn’t help at work, keep the house clean, take care of the dog or keep my marriage afloat. I mean aside from the obvious tie to my marriage.
Right now, the house has been pretty clean and the kids are happy. But my skin is a mess and I’m wound so tight that I’ve just come to assume I won’t sleep regardless of how tired I am. Time with my husband is precious and fleeing. The summer bedtime schedule is very liberal and my brain has usually shut off by the time they go to bed.
I love having good days, and I always hold hope that they are more than just good days. I always hope that they are a newfound sense of balance and a new standard in our lifestyle. And I always do my best to chalk bad days up to just having a bad day.
But sometimes when your life is tied up between two houses, it seems like no one can balance all that weight, and you begin to wonder if you are cut out for the job.
I guess in the meantime I’ll take another inventory.