Just trying to squeeze my little brains a bit more today. It’s been a whirlwind week. I mean, they are all busy, but this one, I finish something and get that little feeling of accomplishment, then “hey what happened?” It’s the next day already. It should still be Tuesday. This Monday was a little more “hurricane-y” than normal, so it’s kind of like it never happened. I think it’s contributing to the time warp.
I’m by myself this week and I would like to be enjoying it, but it’s slipping through my fingers. I got a phone call today that hung me up at work, then got home and had like 20 minutes before I needed to rush off for my bi-annual haircut. My stomach was growling in the chair. Then I got home and recut my bangs. Because I’m a spaz.
I’ve been meaning to both clean my explosion of a house and get some of that elusive creature we call rest, and I haven’t really managed either one. But I have volunteered for another project, so I’m sure that will help. Duh.
But I do feel a little better, having dyed, cut and recut my hair. I feel like a person, there’s something about getting a little polished up that makes you feel like a woman again. You spend so much time giving everything you have to everyone else, playing mom (or actually being one) that you have to convince yourself that you’re worth some of that effort too. I’m guilty of buying almost nothing but second hand clothes, yet the kids and my husband get new stuff when they are shopping. It’s like I somehow deserve less. If I give myself what I give to others, I feel like I run the risk of shortchanging them somehow. “If I hadn’t spent $20 on that shirt, I could get what the kids need right now”. Like I get a karma smack for taking care of myself or something.
When I was single and had disposable income, I used to love to go shopping. Not at Goodwill, but at nice department stores. I had nice clothes and accessories. If I wanted a haircut I went and got one. I had a massive pile of adorable shoes. At first, I just added the kids to my shopping, but then we had to replace the cars. Car payments and then some more financial responsibilities added up until *poof* the “me” budget went away.
I understand that a “me” budget isn’t compatible with kids, but I had one, and then I suddenly didn’t. I shut it off, and decided everyone else was more important than me.
It’s easy to do, and it happens a lot. I promise that if you cut yourself out of the budget, you will lose your mind a little bit. It may take a while, but it’s going to happen. And then you’ll be sitting up, at 11 at night, blogging about being a stepmom while your dog snores on the couch next to you.