I woke up looking like I lost a fight. Eyes insanely red and puffy. I’m apparently having some kind of awesome reaction, but I have no idea to what. Love it.
I get to work, and it seems like “don’t sit down! The sky is falling!”. Phone ringing, people in and out of my office, emails coming out of my ears. It happens. Normally not on Thursday but it happens.
I feel like this wave is washing over me. Sometimes the towering wave of garbage that you don’t know what to do with finally crashes down. You can’t hold it up all the time, it’s not possible.
There are some days where you are just great. You do your best every day because that is all anyone can do. And some days your best seems amazing, like “yeah, take THAT Martha Stewart!” You do arts and crafts, and amazing dinner, 2 loads of laundry and mop the kitchen. That’s amazing! Getting the whole house cleaned is like the pinnacle of mommydom, not everyone gets there. And if they do, it’s probably not regularly. You do your best, and your best is not the same as someone else’s best. Thiers has no application to you whatsoever.
Some days your best is just to survive. Just to force your way through the things that really need to get done, keep your head up to hide your struggle, and crawl into bed as soon as you are able. That is tough. Those are the days you want to cry. Those are the days it’s all so heavy, and you’re so tired. People can’t see your burden and can’t see how hard you are trying. They don’t know the weight of your life and how your only goal is to get through that day.
Even if the garbage is crashing down, even when the weight is holding you back and all you can do is survive, just tell yourself that you will get through the day successfully. That’s all, just to successfully get through the day. Then go to bed. Pray for strength and just do the best you can.
Today, my best is to just hang in there through work, then go home and hang out with the girls (older 2 children) and have pizza and chicken nuggets for dinner. I might get some laundry done, I might vacuum, who knows. But if I don’t get those things done today, it doesn’t matter. They will still be there tomorrow, and I know that I did my best today. And that is all I can do, and I should be proud of that.
Be proud of yourself. Sometimes, just surviving the day, even if you don’t get that “list” taken care of is more of an accomplishment than showing up Martha Stewart.