Stepmemo

A note to stepmoms everywhere

Working It Out

3 Comments

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Courtesy wallpaperbasecamp.com

I haven’t been posting very regularly lately. Things are a little off kilter and I’m trying to find a balance. Sometimes life starts going really fast and you just go with it. You don’t think, you don’t analyze, you just go. That’s apparently not always the right thing to do.
So after a few months of just going along and doing some emergency adjustments as I go (similar to smacking the brakes when you notice the driver in front of you is slowing down way too much) I finally took a little personal inventory.
What I found was promising, it was a neat little moment.
I used to be like the Cinderella stepmom. I cleaned and cooked and did the standard care. I made sure everyone had their material needs met and the house was tidy and meals were healthy and home made. I strived for perfect, I mean like Martha Stewart perfect.
I didn’t know any better, I thought that’s what you did.
Over time, things evolved. My relationship with my family changed, so I adjusted. Over the summer, the kids needed something different. They needed personal support, they needed me to be emotionally available, so I made that change. Then we hit a rough patch and I took a second job to smooth things over.
I couldn’t figure out where my time was going. Why am I so tired and the house is always so dirty! What is wrong with me!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we’re living in squalor, it’s just below my standards.
I realized I spend a LOT of time talking to the girls. If my husband isn’t home, it’s like a girl talk sleepover party. They talk to me about everything. So I stop whatever I’m doing and I make sure they know they have my attention. I respond to them, I never react negatively, I offer gentle advice, I make jokes and get them to laugh.
So during that time, I’m not cleaning the house. All I’m doing is being there for them. I might need a nap, I might need to vacuum. I might be so tired I can barely see, but they talk and I put all that aside.
Now that is very nice, and incredibly important, and I have no plans to stop that anytime soon. However I am not taking care of myself.
And if I don’t take care of myself, I will soon be useless to them. I’ve got bags under my eyes and I’m still tired after having slept for like 14 hours. I’ve done a terrible job of taking care of me.
I feel good that if I had to sacrifice my time, it was for them, they needed it. But now I’ve got to find the balance.
Time to hit the gym!!

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Author: Jessie Henry

Reinventing my life and enjoying my adventure. Living life as full as I like with no apologies, loving all of it.

3 thoughts on “Working It Out

  1. I’ve missed your posts!! I am a huge advocate for taking care of yourself!! Don’t neglect YOU!

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  2. I know. People always seem to think it’s easy to do, but when you’ve got other people you’re responsible for, it’s easier to just make an excuse and give up on yourself. And then it gets out of hand.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s like walking a tight rope. And it is SOOO not easy!! Even if it’s just for a few minutes of down time.. Hard to fit it in AND take care of your responsibilities!

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