A note to stepmoms everywhere

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Long Term Magic from Short Term Bad Plumbing (no, really)

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I had a little lull in the action for a while. There were a few weeks where I just chilled and got to watch tv and paint my nails. I got lots of sleep and rest, even if things were sort of busy. I could see there were a few things coming up, but the problem with planning 1 event, is that it always turns into 3.

My new job give quarterly bonuses. We have eagerly been awaiting this one. What will we do with it? Will we get a new couch that doesn’t smell like dirty dogs and kids’ butts? Will we get ahead with our bills? Buy a dog? Put a nice porch on the house (ours is literally rotting off, ugh). No, we will get a furnace. A shiny new furnace.

Don’t get me wrong, we needed a furnace and knew it. But we needed some other things too, and sometimes it’s nice to have something you can really experience and appreciate.  Like a new, not stinky couch. But we’ve been running space heaters on every floor, and it’s dying. Despite the fact that we are like 3 weeks away from not needing it, it’s dying.

Another fun project is the little creek that is running down the wall in our bedroom. Our room is in the basement, so all the problems literally roll downhill. It’s wet, it’s ruining our floor and the drop ceiling.  We have had to throw out a few tiles, leaving a gaping maw in the ceiling directly above my pillow. It’s not relaxing. We will be cutting a big hole in the dining room wall/doorway today or tomorrow in hopes of finding the spring that feeds our vertical creek. I can’t wait.

So the other day, the oldest went to the store with me to get a space heater for the upstairs. I was telling her about a dream I had where she was having such bad stomach pains, she stopped eating, stopped all the treatments we were trying and ran away from home. She started heroin to stop the pain. I told her about that, and she started crying. I asked why and she said “it’s so sad”. I said “yes, it’s sad for me, but why is it sad for you?”

She’s come a long way in her eating disorder, but she said that since there was so much turmoil at her mom’s and now she was conflicted with her decision to go over there less, she was tempted to not eat. We had a discussion about stress and addiction, and how when we have a lot going on, we tend to deal with it the only way we know how, even if it’s unhealthy. So we had some tissues and counseling in the fan/heater aisle of the Walmart, then went home to heat up the house. So there was some of that “Mom” stuff I’ve been so scared to try and handle. I hope I did well.

I also did my best to get all signed up for school this week. I got all of my financial documents taken care of, did most of my orientation, and did my best at a placement test. Lord help me, I suck at math. Like disgustingly, ridiculously suck. I suck at it so bad, there’s no logical reason for it. It’s depressing.  I was all proud of myself, thinking I was getting a lot done and staying on schedule, then I get emails and phone calls that I need to do more, and don’t forget about this… I hope it’s not always like this. It’s gonna be a LONG 2 years. But I’m still excited, despite the short term implications.

I want a job that’s fun. I can’t do this “just make money” crap forever. And I should probably teach the kids about that, too.

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It’s So Quiet.

I love unsupervised construction.

I love unsupervised construction.

This week, my husband has been (and will continue to be) half a world away. There are no kids, there is no husband, we have no dog. Just me. In the house. Yup.

No cable, the Wii remote is dead, so I can’t watch Netflix and can’t seem to remember to stop and buy batteries. There’s a lot of the sound of blood rushing through my ears. A lot of me talking to myself. It’s not all bad, I’m getting some things done. I actually re-caulked our shower all by myself! Pretty impressive.

Ladies, don’t let anyone tell you that you need a man to do things around the house. I’m known to do some pretty intense home projects when my husband is out of town. The picture here is from a bathroom project I started when he was gone around this time last year. That is not the color of my hair, and I’m a little pastier than normal because I’m covered in a combination of sawdust and joint compound (spackle, mud, whatever you call it) dust. You can see the white patches on the walls in the background. That’s my handiwork.

I’m kind of impressed with what I’m getting done. It’s weird, when I have lots of time like this, I never do the things I want to. I never paint or draw or go for walks, or even read books (which I really need to, but I can’t bring myself to do it). I seem driven to only clean and improve the house. Do all the things that bother me, but I don’t have the time to do them. Like shampoo the couch, reorganize the linen cabinet, or do a disgusting amount of laundry.

I’m eating all the things I don’t eat when everyone is here, like asparagus, I had some chile lime swai (fish) and tomato soup with an epic grilled cheese. But even with the healthy or rarely eaten soul food, and household accomplishments, it’s boring. And I miss my husband. I like that guy for some reason.