A note to stepmoms everywhere

You Know, It Was A Very Gary Christmas (I Mean Strange)

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I have to get this all out because my Christmas was just stranger than fiction. Seriously. I’m super tired and pretty sure I’m sick again, but it was just outlandish.
Every year, we do Christmas Eve with my family, and this year it was at my brother’s house. I volunteered to bring plates, cups and silverware because I had to work and was getting up early the next day to make breakfast. I didn’t want to cook any more than I needed to. The party started at 2, and I worked until 3. In my wisdom, I didn’t foresee a problem with bringing eating and drinking utensils late. Duh.
So by the time I got off of work, changed and ran down there, it was about 4:30. No good. But everyone was happy to see me, and I was happy to see them. My cousin was there, and due to family complications, and a cross-country move, I haven’t seen much of her in years. I wasn’t sure she’d make it. I walk in, and her father tells me she’s pregnant. Now there were a few reasons why I wouldn’t believe this, but mostly because 90% of everything he says is a joke. So I laughed.
Well, she was pregnant. Oops. I hope we don’t go another 10+ years with silence. I didn’t mean anything, I just thought my leg was being pulled.
Dinner was great, and there was lots of champagne. I noticed my dad had on a pinky ring, and he said it was a gift from my late grandma, then promptly lost it. We looked all over for it, then it mysteriously rolled out of his pant leg. Still no idea on the logistics of that one.
We had an awesome white elephant gift exchange (I got a grill for camping) and then everyone started the mass exodus.
My husband and I weren’t sure if we should leave, it was just us left. Then my brother came in with the game Apples to Apples, and we put on some old school hip hop (I don’t get it either, we always do this, and it’s something none of us listen to alone, I think). We played late into the night and then came home and flopped into bed.
I woke up the next day feeling like I had some champagne the night before, but I had breakfast to make. So I tried to suck it up and rehydrate myself, and I got to cooking. The southbound tummy train was set on express, and I had to hit the station a few times (tried to not make that graphic). I felt awful. Then the kids came home, and I was trying to cook, answer questions and not puke on myself all at the same time. It came time to get out the corned beef for making the hash, and I opened the crock pot and almost tossed my cookies. I stared at the awful, smelly thing, trying to figure out a way to get it out without getting sick.
Couldn’t think of one.
So I grabbed two utensils and wrestled the beast out. All 3 kids are in the kitchen when it slips away, bounces off my sweater and splats on the floor.
Meat sprays everywhere. It was horrible.
A silence falls over the kitchen, and we all stare at it for a second. The middle child says “it’s still good” grabs a piece off the floor and eats it. I grab two forks, salvage the beast and then clean the floor.
Then I had to go change my shirt before I threw up.
The beast was inspected and approved and turned into a delicious hash, which we all ate (including me). After a quick shower, I returned to being human and had a great time at my house on Christmas, and got to have some good conversation with some in laws I don’t get to talk to much. We all had a really good time. And the drama drama was checked at the door. It was a Christmas miracle!
The next day, we left for a trip, but that’s another entry. At least I squeezed in a little vacation. I was getting tense!


Author: Jessie Henry

Reinventing my life and enjoying my adventure. Living life as full as I like with no apologies, loving all of it.

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